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6:46 PM
OMGOMGOMG I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I CANNOOOOOOT LET LOL SEEEEEEE. CAN I SAY A VULGARITY, PRETTY PLEASE?
OKAY FUCK.
PLEASE DO NOT SEE IT, PLEASE DARLIN.
HAHAHAHHAHAA.
Well, on a random note, i think i have recovered from the heartbreak.
I realised that I was so silly to be writing emo posts all the time! That's not what my blog is going to be for.
I remember one time i was complaining and being emo again, and what he said really hit me. Something bout maybe I was the problem and not everyone else. Wtf right,lol. At first I didnt reply, cos i was like wtf. You're supposed to provide some comfort here. Not rub salt on my wounds and spit into it too, lol. But as I thought about it, I realised he was right. And yes, the stuff he has said to me has certainly earned my respect and more despite what I had heard before.
I read his blog that day, he never told me he had one. wthhhh. But anyway, I saw stuff that I never saw before and it took me these two days to really think it through. That night, I knew I had lost him. But I hope not as a friend cos he is awesome afterall :) I really wanted to cry but I was so fucking exhausted at 2am in the morning that I just couldn't. The next day in school I just broke down, guess not many people saw, just the usual. I was listening to james morrison's the pieces don't fit anymore and fuck i was damn sad. Just sat there and cried and cried. After reading his blog, I realised he was more than what I always thought he was and I am not afraid to let him read any of this. He's really a very lucky guy and at some point i felt i envied him so bad. I stood in the shower for an hour yesterday thinking bout things. Conclusion was that, he's such a great person and despite some of the problems he might have, he is so lucky to have all the things he has in his life now,and having anything to have to do with me would be such an unlucky thing and i wouldnt want to ruin his streak. As lame as it sounds, that's what I really felt. I wonder if he sees how lucky he is, oh well. Sometimes it just takes someone else' perspective.
As for WINNIE THE POOH(WTP), WHAT THE POK. HAHAHAHAHA. Whatever laaaa. I think she must be an amazing person, and i swear i really really mean it. And I take back all the mean stuff I said bout her (can i think it please?) because I was never really in any sort of position to criticise her. I don't even know the girl, so yeah. I am sorry, i am sorry, i am sorry. Even though she doesnt know what i said. I always thought I would win her hands down in many aspects, but come to think of it she must have won me in many many more ways than i ever knew.
I have decided to be a better person, HAHAHAHAHA. Aiya, really la, stop raising your eyebrows. Guess what, made an effort to be nice to Siva last night! Awesome anot. I don't want to be such a bitch anymore, lol.
BTW I GOT A BIG FAT 'A' FOR MY A LEVEL CHINESE, AND DISTINCTION FOR ORAL :D I didnt really expect it, actually. I mean I know my language is one of my stronger points but I didnt want to be complacent. Last time I did, I had to retake chinese o's. Thank you God <3
I need to quit digressing really. Urgh. One of the reasons why I decided to let go of the whole omg i love you idea was after talking to deanna. She's right, I can't wait for the fella. I AM A RETAINEE. That's a fact. And I cannot screw up jc1 again. Or it'll be the end of the road. MOE doesnt allow us to retain at the same level twice. Imagine if I'm fucked up everyday, I'll be outta school in the end. If i go and sign up for poly? Nahh, I used to want it so bad. But now, I just think, no. I don't want to. I'm too easily influenced, I'd screw up the rest of my life there. What I need is a school with rules and a uniform. I MEAN COME ON I FEEL MEAN SAYING THIS BUT I WATCHED KIARA AND NINA SCREW UP THERE. So much that although I'd still save their lives when I see them in danger, i won't want to actually have anything directly to do with them. When I was with them, I had to walk in their shadows. If I still did now, I'd be a loser. Opps, sorry. ANYWAY, SO YEAH I LOVE YOU DEANNA. For making me see my priorities :) & besides, it might not even happen if i waited.
For the last few days, I wake up and listen to songs that push me forward. Like, 'I'm getting over you' and stuff like that. It's working :)
Sooo, actually. If anything actually happens between them, i'll jump right back into it. HAHAHAHA. Sorry la, i really will do it. It'll be her fault then :D Even if nothing happens to them and they get married and live happily ever after, i'll wish them well (really? HAHAHA.) Shh, but I think one day I might do something with him. And only I know what it is, HAHAHA. Ok, maybe he does too? Idk. But I always wanted to, just never had the courage to. lol. So everytime he went on and talked about stuff like that, I just digressed. ALTHOUGH I WANTED TO EH, SEE I'M SUCH A GOOD GIRL RIGHT. hahahahahahaha. Oh wellszxzxzxzx.
So anyway MATTHEW, I do love you. But just as a simple friend, as the idiot who has influenced me to use 'lol's in my texts and as the one who has been there too many times. & I sincerely hope that we can remain friends, cause sometimes, the things you say in your texts and on the phone are the medication I need. Looooovveeee :]
Your girlfriend needs to count her blessings lor, what the pok.
WHAT THE F AM I DOING HERE? Wlaoooo, I have four tests next week, two assignments to rush and I'm blogging. On an extremely random note, I am starting to love my class, 0937. At the least, they're genuine, not hypocrites like those !@#$%^&*(). Whatever la, I was a super hypocrite that day too. They call it an eye for an eye. Anw, most of my classmates are awesome! So yeah, I'm really glad that I'll be spending my two years with these people <3 We shall work hard tgt alright :)
Oh and sorry to Deanna cause when she saw my post with all the 'why's, she thought her com was hanging. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
OKAYLA, GOODBYE. LOVELOVE.
