the apocalyspse is coming ;

Move.

2009-08-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

Hi all I'm making a move to apocalypselane.wordpress.com :)

Kthxbai<3

And then we really have to go.

2009-08-18T08:59:00.001+08:00

Because friendships do break down sometimes and things never turn out fine.

h1n1

2009-08-02T23:40:00.001+08:00

(keke)

(Annie and I.)

(Chng I am totally over you, you are so grozz.)

(My sister HAAH no, it's van. <3)

(lianzxzxzxxz)

If I don't have your photo here I was just too lazy to click to page two of ze abum SORRY. MORE SOON.

I am going to get h1n1 and I am going to die.
Liek omg my class has so many many people falling sick.
I was sick for one whole week la omg now I'm still throwing up alot.
Sam has a baby, I hope she's happy.
I have many essays to do and Math test tomorrow.
I have Promos soon.
I need to see Mdm Shasila tmr I hope it goes alright.
Van and Lynz are my sisters, Yx is my brother.
My sister is leaving for Milan real soon, I must treasure the times.
I need to sleep soon or else I might die before I can die from the Math test.
I miss alot of people but I cannot find time.
Night study starts tomorrow, it better be effective.
I miss him.
I miss him.
Eh I wrote that already.
I realise how much I've changed from last year.
I need to get some form of stress relief.
I say I want cigarettes but you know I won't let myself.
I miss him.
I have been spending too much time on Facebook.
I think I'm quite kewt HAHAHA.
I think I've missed too much of school.
Haiya can already?
I miss him.
I missed rendition :(
Ah okay I'm going to study math now by which meaning i'm gonna waste much more time on fb first.
K thanks for your time we should go fly kite soon.

Best TPJCians ever, really long post.

2009-07-26T02:38:00.000+08:00

Guenivere♥ says:
omg that ugly bunny!
havent seen it in awhile
clownprince says:
w
its a virus!!!!

MORE!!!

the leader...

Guenivere♥ says:

clownprince says:

Guenivere♥ says:
shit you la!
clownprince says:
whats the od one out?
Guenivere♥ says:
wow i totally can't tell.
clue?
ugh
clownprince says:
wow..
u really havent improved..
hmm
i need to talk to ur doctor
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
kidding

Guenivere♥ says:
i need to speak to your skin specialist
you seem to be getting black beyond belief
BBB
BBB SYNDROME
clownprince says:
HAHAHAA
not bad
tt was a good one
why u up so lae?
*late
DONT SAY ANYTHING
Guenivere♥ says:
LAE
HAHAHAHAHA
clownprince says:
ARGH!!!
HAHAHAHA
ok SO I TYPE TOO QUICK
sue me

Guenivere♥ says:
i have no idea why i'm up so LAE im supposed to be doing tutorials since they're due and i'm LAE but facebook is addictive at all times early or LAE
wow yeah super fast
AMLOST as quick as lightning!
clownprince says:
see?
i told you
hehehe
mannn.
i have sth against band
the cca
i just think its kinda.. gay
Guenivere♥ says:
and how does that concern me?
HAHA
clownprince says:
haha
random fact
Guenivere♥ says:
i think you should totally join it
clownprince says:
HAH
NO?
Guenivere♥ says:
since it's kinda... gay
clownprince says:
its like i have this..
BIAS
hahahahaha
Guenivere♥ says:
but you only know how to blow your own horn
so you'll be an ineffective member
clownprince says:
horn?
HORN?
BLOW my own HORN?
...
ohh
Guenivere♥ says:
TSK
clownprince says:

Guenivere♥ says:
gross
clownprince says:
hahahahahahahhahaha
Guenivere♥ says:
shit now im especially careful when i type
just so you dont have any chance to pick on me
clownprince says:
why

Guenivere♥ says:
HAAH
clownprince says:
HAHAAHAHA
haah?
HAAH??
WHATS THAT?
dont u know how to laugh??
Guenivere♥ says:
have to type then check everytime!
SHUT UP LA
clownprince says:

hey, go do ur tutorial uh
Guenivere♥ says:
eh you cannot use that smiley
it's like yellow
means chinese
clownprince says:
hahah
Guenivere♥ says:
got no black one
clownprince says:
nope!
hahah
Guenivere♥ says:

nah you can use this
bah bah BLACK SHEEP
clownprince says:
haha
Guenivere♥ says:
EH
when ya'll free for dinner or smt
like you and bryan only
haha
clownprince says:
o.0
okayyyyy
man, u caught us at a bad tym..
u dont know bout prison camp?
Guenivere♥ says:

tsk
clownprince says:
14 hrs school
Guenivere♥ says:
everyday?
clownprince says:
i'll be reaching home like 10 plus
every monday, wed, fri
tue thurs i'll reach at like 8 plus
AND CAN U BELIEVE IT??
WE CANT GO OUT
OUR TIMETABLE DOES NOT ALLOW US TO
wow..
but..
Guenivere♥ says:
for lunch?
as in
clownprince says:
haha
Guenivere♥ says:
they dont let y'all have lunch?
clownprince says:
1 to 130 is the only break for lunch
Guenivere♥ says:
wlao
clownprince says:
no way in hell tts enough tym
yups
Guenivere♥ says:
not say they keep everyone back then they'll turn smarter
is
clownprince says:
i guess its a sacrifice tts necesssary for the finals..
haha
HEY!!
HAHA
Guenivere♥ says:
eh i tell you uh
after i went ny
clownprince says:
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THA
meh
hehe
Guenivere♥ says:
i feel much smarter
haha
clownprince says:
feel is a strong word
its also delusional
...
HAHAHAHHA
KIDDING
Guenivere♥ says:
SHUT UP LA ASS
but yeah
clownprince says:

Guenivere♥ says:
people in my school don't exactly think is a good sch
HAHA
clownprince says:
not a lot do
Guenivere♥ says:
so happy to have gotten out hahaha
clownprince says:
meh!
rawrr
movong on
i mean
MOVING
Guenivere♥ says:
wow so since i've last seen you
MOVONG HAHAHAHAHA
clownprince says:
OKAY I GET IT
HAHAHAHA
Guenivere♥ says:
you've turned into an animal
YUXINANG MOVONG AMLOST LAE
whao you're damn awesome
clownprince says:
wtf??
haha
Guenivere♥ says:
eh tues or thurs go dinner luhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
clownprince says:
i told you, its gonna be hard..
very unlikely uhh
sorry.
no promises but maybe when theres tym yah?
Guenivere♥ says:
E FOR EFFORT LA YOU
disappointing
clownprince says:
Hello tpjcian !

We're a group of students from 09S02 doing pw on coral reefs

We need your help to do a short survery on coral reefs .

Your effort and kindness will be much appreciated (:

THANK YOU !
wtf sia?
coral reefs???
hahahaha
Guenivere♥ says:
HAHA
this year's one is conservation what
why cannot conserve coral reefs?!
clownprince says:
ohh
i never cared wad they did this year
hahahah
Guenivere♥ says:
rmb MODERNISATION?
HAHAHA
clownprince says:
haha
yeah
cant forget
damnit
Guenivere♥ says:
OKAY
MOVONG ON
clownprince says:
the more i look at the timetables
the more i cringe
Guenivere♥ says:
HAHA
well
it's for your own good la actually.
look
if you go home instead you'll spend the time, eating, turning darker, and watching porn.
so what's to lose?
HAHA
wah i love my awesome jokes
im so saving this convo later
clownprince says:
haha
okayyy

bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. has been added to the conversation.

clownprince says:
isnt it automatically saved
wtf?
hahah
Guenivere♥ says:
erm no?
mine doesnt save
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
hmm?
hey guys!!
clownprince says:
ohh urs isnt the windows live add one
GET AWAY FROM ME YOU!!
Guenivere♥ says:
HAHA
clownprince says:
HE'S INFECTIOUS
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
heh
clownprince says:
hhahaha
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
who?
me?
clownprince says:
YOU
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
awwwwww
Guenivere♥ says:
shall i add YUXINANG?
clownprince says:
haha
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
o.0
clownprince says:
hey man, u alright?
Guenivere♥ says:
omg y'all are still as loving as ever
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
i will get out of this convo
hahaha
o.0?!
clownprince says:
anyway, bryan, check tpjc.net
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
hey clownbitch!
clownprince says:
out lit hw
go
now
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
DAMN
Guenivere♥ says:
HAHA
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
really?
haha
clownprince says:
not hw
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
i mc on mon too
clownprince says:
i mean.
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
hahahahahhahaha
clownprince says:
schedule
Guenivere♥ says:
i will enjoy just reading this convo
clownprince says:
SHUSH
hhaaha
Guenivere♥ says:
ooh bryan you sick ah
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
long shit sia
kenna quarantine
o.0
6 days sia
Guenivere♥ says:
ohmy huh scary
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
i kenna h1n1
clownprince says:
see?
Guenivere♥ says:

bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
just waiting to kick the bucket
clownprince says:
HAHAHAH
Guenivere♥ says:
REALLY
clownprince says:
WADEVA LA
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
haha
too conflicting mindsets
Guenivere♥ says:
wlao don't trick people can
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
interesting
no luhh
Guenivere♥ says:
hahaha
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
just got fever, damn bad throat and headaches
Guenivere♥ says:
eh bryan ARA deleted HER blog
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
o.0
ara's a girl?
Guenivere♥ says:
yeah
clownprince says:
i dunno
Guenivere♥ says:
HAHA
clownprince says:
whos tt?
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
haha
Guenivere♥ says:
omg last year you said you knew!
the black pigmentation must be getting to your brains
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
omg that is what friends mean to abdul
haha
clownprince says:
ok wadeva
haha
sorry uh
im stressed
looking at tpjc.net
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
o.0
why?
Guenivere♥ says:
go have sex then
clownprince says:
timetables etc etc
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
the prison regime starts next week?
omg yj you had sex?
o.0
clownprince says:
DUH
Guenivere♥ says:
tsk
clownprince says:
OK IM LEAVINGGGG
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
omg abdul you had sex too?!?
Guenivere♥ says:
bryan plz la you are the one!
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
wts
Guenivere♥ says:
hahaha
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
am i the only virgin here?!?!?!?
ARGGGGH
Guenivere♥ says:
DONT TELL LIES OK
TSK
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:

Guenivere♥ says:
aaaaaaaaaaaiya
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
ok abdul has gone uncharacteristically quiet
clownprince says:
oh
sorry
haha
what?
Guenivere♥ says:
chill la
no need to stress
a few months and it'll be over
then you can laugh at me
clownprince says:
i already am
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:

clownprince says:
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAH
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:

clownprince says:

Guenivere♥ says:

bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
why not just laugh now?
hahahahhaa

Guenivere♥ says:

clownprince says:
hahahahahahhaaha
Guenivere♥ says:
I ALSO HAVE OKAY
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:

clownprince says:
hahahahahah

hahahhahaha
Guenivere♥ says:
SHIT
clownprince says:

bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
hahaha
clownprince says:

Guenivere♥ says:

bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:

clownprince says:
ok enough
weii
Guenivere♥ says:

clownprince says:
im tired and i wanna sleep
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
omg!
Guenivere♥ says:
too much sex
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
yj that looks like youuuuu
ooo
what the shitz with the sex?!?!
Guenivere♥ says:
SHIT YOU LA BRYAN
tskkkkkkkk
HAHA
ITS ABDUL
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
the sex is abdul?!
bullshit!
Guenivere♥ says:
everything has to be associated with sex or black
clownprince says:
WTH??
hahaha
Guenivere♥ says:
i am totally saving this and posting it on my blog or smt
clownprince says:
MEH
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
no
dun!
actually
can luh
i dint say anything
hahahahhaa
i dint say anything but truths
abdul is an ass
see?!
Guenivere♥ says:
no you totally lied just now
clownprince says:
MEH
IM GG OFF NOW
night ppl
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
haha
me too
boo
Guenivere♥ says:

bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
sorry yuanjun
!
Guenivere♥ says:
ok fineeeeee
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
talk to you some other time
):
clownprince says:
haha
goodnight all.
imma sleep now
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
goodngiht peeps
Guenivere♥ says:
NIGHTZ YUXINANG MOVONG
clownprince says:
DONT CALL ME A PEEP
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
peepy abdul!
Guenivere♥ says:
cause you peep
clownprince says:
ba==hahahah
bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. says:
!

bryan - when noise just turns to silence.. has left the conversation.

clownprince says:
yeah, gnite.
Guenivere♥ says:
bb

(end of convo)

I really love them many many manz.

17th July 2009 :D CHEENAPOK MAX.

2009-07-17T17:17:00.003+08:00

Okay all results back. Rah, not as if I took many papers. Wellz I got a C for GEEPEE YEAPZ AND SIGH OH WELLZ DONT FEEL FANTASTIC TODAY CAUSE KELLETO KINDA SCOLDED US.

IDK WHAT TO SAY LUH IM SUPER TIRED THEN IMMA GO SLEEP SOON WAKE UP THEN STUDY LIT AND ECONS TILL BOUT 4AM? heheheheheheheh wah high like kite nowwwzx my mummy just gave me fve cherries :) RANDOM YES? Well last night I studied Math, quite productive then I read the chocolate run till like 3am D: Fell asleep for 20 secs during Mr Ng's lecture today. Omg damn funny how Yunxuan and I keep annoying him but wellz he's so nice really totally giving him the BEST TEACHER IN MY LIFE AWARD HAHAHA.

Which reminds me I owe him two freaking assignments and he is so super duper shweeeet that he didn't scold me or anything, I don't know what good I've done to deserve this :(

I really need to study hard, won't be able to stand anymore letdowns on my part.
WELLZ FRIENDS IF Y'ALL ARE UNHAPPY OR WHAT:
1. PRAY.
2. Think of her faceeeee OMG MEAN TO THE MAX BUT TOTALLY HORRIBLE GRIN WITH SPECS LOWERED AND AWFUL EXPRESSIONNNN OMG IDK HOW TO DESCRIBE BUT IT'S CHUNKS AND MY FAV.

Chunks I'm not trying to be mean to you but I'm just quite disappointed. Hope you really buck up and do your best and prove other people wrong. And most of all, study hard and do your mom proud. Just like how I need to do my mom proud right? They work hard to make our lives easy, it's the least we could do right? :)

LOVE LOVE EVERYONE STUDY HARD.
0937<3

Eyes Closed.

2009-07-15T02:21:00.009+08:00

Omg I am so happy about alot of things but I just finished my journalism article (love it) on Michael Jackson and I'm super tired. YAY love wuhuan and chunks <3 for joining the family and entrusting themselves to God.

Ah my results close to shit but not shit yet, I failed math like 14.5 out of 5o but I am still convinced that the teacher marked it wrongly and it should be 41.5 instead. Like what the hell, next time should count properly la or else how to be math teacher, TSK. K HAHA LAMEEEEZXZX. Ah Elit is just ... the paper itself I went out of point so I get 43 i think? Gp haven't get back but I know I passed. OMG MY OTHER TWO H2s no results cause they sent me home after my temp read 37.5 then 37.6 twice? Good thing or bad thing, I really don't know. And the econs results for the class are just epic and disastrous? We should really buck up, if anyone even saw the disappointment that was washed over Mrs Roy's face. Yup, promos are close. 3 months will just fly by, to be crying or not after these three months is really up to us isn't it? :)

Wellz I haven't finished editing the stuff for the blogskin I'm just too lazy when I'm free then see how hehe. And anyw I went to listen to the song yunxuan told me about from the lyrics on her blog and omg the song is super amazing I think I wanna marry the guy (swoons).

Ron Pope- Fireflies

Fireflies - Ron Pope

stupid imeem give me 30 secs only. and I can't embed youtube dunnno why sorry.

When the streetlights come on and the fireflies flicker,
I am walking her home making plans.
With her shoes in her hands, I am watching her dance,
As the hem of her dress gently kisses the grass.

It suddenly rains on us, she is laughing and turns up her hands.

Like autumn turns leaves, winter with breathe,
Cold on our necks, snow in our paths.
Wherever she goes, all that I know about us,
Is that beautiful things never last.
That's why fireflies flash.

When this summertime ends, we will not part as friends.
Things were promised in blood, we have sinned.
Now there's tears in her eyes as she's screaming goodbyes;
I run 'long-side the car turning numb to the sound.

I notice a chill in the air. September is creeping up fast.

Innocence didn't mean we're immune to these things,
Let's blame the passage of time.
Love and loss, truth it costs more than I can spare right now.
Maybe it's simpler to lie.

Love always. Hiatus.

Pray.

2009-06-28T13:40:00.002+08:00

I've been praying. For many things to get better. And I know You will find a way for me, I know that if I fall You'll be there to put me right back on my feet.

Have I been studying enough? HAAH NO. I keep slacking in the day, and studying late into the night and it has really been taking its toll. The flu has lasted for like one week plus? Somehow I keep hoping that 'some virus' (hehe) will strike me cause anyway my immunity should be quite low due to my bad bad bad asthma so then I won't have to take Mid Years. :) But I guess it won't happen cause the more i want to run away from something, the more I know You would want me to face up to it. And yeah, life's been questioning me lately, on so much.

I ponder and wonder (omg me is totally a poet). Like what I did wrong such that you would treat me this way. I know it's quite dumb but I'm just like that. I probably will continue thinking and wondering why you are such a f*CKING asshole and why you can continue being happy when you're like that. It's plain ridiculous and all my friends think I'm so spastic for having this reminiscent attitude towards you. Yes, I greatly miss the times when we were in sync. I totally miss the late night phone calls like crazy and everything else, even the smallest details. Why am I like that now? It's not like I was in love with you or whatsoever (right?). Yeah I wasn't. But from the start of this year I have become such that I am so afraid of losing anymore friends, anymore people that I love. Argh f it really, if God wanted you to stay by my side, you would have.

Ok wtf my sister's boyfriend went to complain to my sis that he saw me outside and I wasn't studying. Like wtf la, you were sitting so far away don't come and talk rubbish. I study more than your girlfriend la please. Smart then big f*ck? Bloody hell, shut your mouth la. While I was studying there, the both of you were gallavanting somewhere. So just because you don't dare to tell your girlfriend off for not studying, don't direct your verbal vomit at me. K THX BYE.

KEKE. That's put aside. Well I am going back to studying now. I really hope for time to fly though I need more time to study. After exams then hehehe I want to play and slack and omg everything else. I also need to change my blogskin I've been so lazy and so it's just that ugly template. But yet I can't shop too much must save moneyyyy cause I'm going to MILAN at the end of the year teehee. AND YAY i'll be going to BARCELONA :D WOOHOO I totally need to cut spending so I can splurge more there. I'll be leaving on the 13th of December I fink for like three weeks. 13th is like one week after my birthday and I'm still contemplating whether I should celebrate my 18th birthday like in bigger fashion or just keep things simple. Keep things simple can save money hahaha. 21st birthday more important right? Omg I realised how old I am now eh. In the past everytime I see those hot guys on telly like those 16 17 years old type I'd tell my mom and sisters that I'm gonna marry the fella. Now I realise that I'm older than most of them, omg so saddening :(:(:(:( Even those in the same school year as me now are a year younger oh wellzxx. NEH MIND, true love will come. HAHA SO CORNY. YOU NEVER KNOW LASTER NEXT YEAR I CALL AND SAY IM NOT COMING BACK FROM EUROPE CAUSE I'M MARRIED? HAHAHHAHA OMG I'M SO FULL OF CRAPZZZZ.

OMG STUDY STUDY KEKE LOVE LOVE BYE BYE PLEASE TAKE CARE EVERYONE DON'T FALL SICK <3
PRAY.PRAY.PRAY.

Commander in chief.

2009-06-21T14:29:00.004+08:00

Sigh omg I feel like breaking down. I have no time left to study and there's still so much shit going on. I haven't uploaded my blogskin but that's of least importance so neh mind. I can't finish studying I really feel like killing myself I swear and I can't sleep at night no matter how tired I am the feeling sucks so bad. I didn't do mr Ng's homework for lit really so screwed he's gonna be so disappointed. What is wrong with me really why can't I just focus on my studies and fufil expectations? Ah fuuuuuucx, ah there you go I didn't use the f word you happy? I really feel like crying but I gotta stay strong. There are so many distractions around me and even those that have walked away stay close in my heart. I cannot accept losing and losing you is not an option. I cannot lose you, that's all. Sigh omg can't let the state kick in God please help me.

NYEHEH

2009-06-09T01:16:00.004+08:00

OKAY i havent updated in a super long time and I am really too laziiiiezxzx to so I shall just leave a short one and really update soonish. OH and btw on a random note apart from those i have seen in sch and at famine camp omg my attempt to cut my fringe turned into bang bang bangs but it doesn't look at disastrous as last time when I cut it. I think I have skillz that killz. HAHA KKKKK.

I WENT FOR 30 HOUR FAMINE CAMP AND IT WAS REALLY AWESOME TEEHEE well Thanks to Eliz and Wei Shan that stayed with me throughout the enitre thing. It was a great experience and I dare say that I have changed alot of my perspectives. I WENT FOR NEWSPAPER COLLECTION AND I WAS THE LORRY I/C AND OMG DAMN FUNNY CAUSE I WAS SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT WITH THE WINDOW OPEN AND MY HEAD OUT LIKE SOME AUNTIE ZOMG. AND I was really very very happy (omg my limited vocabulary) cause I was thinking of how lucky i was with my family and friends and of course God. Well the finale concert was pretty cool too and I had front seat and was super close to A-Mei HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OKAY I CANNOT HELP BUT LAUGH PLZXZ cause everyone is gonna be liek wth it's a-mei liek not my generation. WLAO TALENT RULEZZ OVER THE GENERATION OKIIEZX AND YUP her vocals are awesome I really admire her.

Well just now I suddenly felt liek I want to do some singing video and upload on fb or youtube but maybe I just don't dare to in fear or criticism but that's liek how you improve right? I want to ask YUNXUAN MONSTER if she wants to sing with me. WHOA that day we heard this live band at this bar at city hall and omg the guy was awesome and the guitarist was angmoh. I am so totally gonna marry him. Nyeh but we were watching from outside cause it was a above 25 bar omg and we were acting liek little kids outside and the bouncer was damn anal haha k whatever very tall very buff and wear black from head to toe then very cool meh :( YUP SO MAYBE i wanna get this video done, i do hope so. Ah my sentences are liek so incomplete and wrong but i dont care cause im so tiredddd.

NYEH TODAY I AM HAPPYGAL91 cause I have found closure for alot of things. Yesterday my sisters went down to the chapel without meeee and they bought a cake for papa hehe. No special occasion but we've all been having dreams lately.

Dad, if all the fathers
Had lined up one by one,
And God told me to pick,
I'd still choose to be your daughter.

I LOVE YOU PAPA and I will never forget how much love you have given me, how much you have sacrificed for me and how much you left for me. The place you redeemed in my heart is so great and without that part of you still with me I could never walk another day, I could never give another smile and I could never give my best in everything I do.

So why do I miss you when I know you're always right by my side keeping me safe? :D

YAY I am really such a lucky girl. I love everything about my life right now really really really. NYJC was really the right path for me and I have really changed so much from when I was in TPJC and now. YAY HAPPYGAL91.

OKAY GOODNIGHT I WILL UPDATE SOON ABOUT EVERYTHING I HAVE BEEN DOING MAYBE SOME PHUTOS AND MY NEW LIEK HAHA SHEESH I AM SO FICKLE I HAVE ZERO INTEREST IN THE PREVIOUS ONE ALREADY HAHA.

KTHXBAI.
<3

excuse me first love, but I'm tired.

2009-05-21T01:38:00.002+08:00

WAH WHY I HAVENT SLEEP, ugh. Don't feel tired at all, sighzxzx. I am doing alot of stupid things on facebook now and talking to wooooooo, haha. It's really damn retarded, the way he can make so much sense. Damn annoying really, pfft. Nyeh, got lizard somewhere in my living room. Bloody hell, it obviously doesn't know that I killed one of it's friends recently? There was this stupid fat lizard in the toilet that kept attempting to climb up the wall then it'd climb halfway and plop onto the floor again. Retarded enough? So, I accidentally, purposely scalded it to death. HAHA I have totally digressed, argh. Point is, after what he said and after much contemplation, I have decided that I will not stoop to her level. I will not be two-faced like her and I will not let a tiny (not literal) thing like her affect me, at least not too badly. KEKE BYEEEE LURBBZXXZX.

I'm holding on by letting go of you.

2009-05-17T12:52:00.003+08:00

HELLO teehee okay haven't blogged for awhile. Only know how to go read other people's blogs. YAY I did my journalism article already. It's on 'Little Thailand' and I happen to like it quite alot as compared to the ad on 3o hour famine camp. Can go read it on NY when it gets published :) woots.

Ugh I am really too lazy to blog in complete sentences today hor so sorry, so much for complaining about other people's bad english. hahaha. Anywayz, I had a really awesome time yesterday with Lynette, Yunxuan and Haoqi. Left for city hall with nenette, van and yx after NAPFA (which i am permanently excused from hehe) and met haoqi at city hall. Had lunch at the asian kitchen thingy where only nenette and yx ate. and WLAO YX YOU ARE DAMN MONSTROUS HAHA. Oh ya I saw st andrew's cathedral, matt's church. Looks kinda koolzxzx hahaha yeap like that lor hahahah. Then, had a hard time with directions and they went nenette's house to do PW (except for van who went for service). BUUT apparently just slacked there the whole day, lol. Yeap went paraway for dinner with them at swensons after i settled my own stuff and the AGLIO OLIO either sucked or I just wasn't hungry. SO ANYWAYZXZXXZ i had a really great time and i lurbb them many many.

OKAY I WOKE UP EARLY TO DO THE ARTICLE SHALL GO REST NOW THEN WAKE UP AND DO LIT HOPEFULLY. BUBYE <3

I'm still breathing, though we've been dead for awhile.

2009-05-05T15:57:00.003+08:00

SIGH.
Haha, what an awesomezx way to start the post off?
I feel very empty actually. I always act like high in school and do silly things but how much am I able to cover up? It's not that I'm not happy in school. I have super awesomezx friends who are just really really appreciative and all but I just feel like several parts of me are missing.

I think I lost one part after sec four graduation when I realised the real meaning of true friends, that all I had was nothing. And I lost another part when I left TPJC and I realised I didn't gain much from my one year there. Sure, I had many friends, what which ones did I keep? And which ones kept me in their thoughts? Well, the past is past. And frankly, the friends that I have now are the ones I really treasure. I will walk a long way with them, I know it :)

SIGH I don't know if I should maintain contact with Flyer or not. HAHA if I continue it then I'm sure Steph and Van will scold me. But I can't seem to stay away for too long, it's not that I don't want to. I wish this didn't mean so much to me, I wish I could leave it in some corner, watch dust collect all over and still not care. But I can't. Every once in a while, I pick it up, make sure it's super duper shiny and put it back. Hahaha, what a lousy analogy but yeah that's really what I think. Even last night, I WENT TO SAY, "X XXXX XXX." Shit, confirm kena scolding already. I think I was too tired to think straight, but not that I didn't mean it cause I do as a matter of fact, as a friend. BUT SIGH, HOW LONG CAN I PERSIST THE SITUATION? I really just need to know what I mean to Flyer, something more than nothing? But nothing is what I really think I am. But I just cannot be bothered to receive flippant answers anymore.

Oh well, school is fine except for my piling assignments :/ Not one, not two, I think I have already lost count. I NEED MOTIVATION AND MOTIVATION COMES FROM GOD :D
He will never give up on me even if all else falls and the earth crumbles :) That's enough for me to keep going.

I SUPER DUPER LOVE MY CLASS EH, THEY ARE DAMN AWESOME. EXTRA THANKS TO STEPH, VAN, LYNETTE, YX love you all so berry muchzxzx.

[Phil 4.13]
-I am able to do all things through Christ who gives me strength.

He always has a plan for me, I will succeed as long as I have faith in Him.

BYE.
<33

past/present/

2009-05-04T00:46:00.015+08:00

(van and i, abit dark)

(van, yunxuan, i)

(van, yunxuan, lynette, i)

(van, yunxuan, i)

(us again)

(van, yunxuan, lynette, annie, linus, me)

(oreo <3)

(van and coco)

(everyone)

(with van's dslr awesomeness on the cab)

(I INSIST I AM PRETTIER THAN HER)

(thanks van)

(SUPER CUTE HAHA)

(OREOOOOO)

(THANK GOD FOR YOU, SISTER)

THE END I JUST TOOK SUPER LONG TO UPLOAD CAUSE I RARELY PUT PHOTOS OMG OKTHXBAI.

As my heart holds you, just one beat away.

2009-05-03T17:38:00.002+08:00

I am like blogging on my itouch at the library so mafan hehe. Ooh I met lynette just now went with her to get something for our dear steph <3. My life now feels quite nice without that someone lol I do miss him but I need to hold myself back. "Sometimes goodbye is a second chance." Labour day was awesome muchzxz went to lynette's place crashed history meeting played with Oreo and coco took loads of photos will upload when I'm at home :) went for ny cellgroup outing before that then cabbed down with van have been taking cab everywhere omg need to stop :/ Had service on sat but went to school first for my own history project hahaha like finally after going other peoples onezx. Oh service was awesome feel like my cup is full again and I am changing for the better slowly but surelyzx. Dinner at just acia then went airport to slack then when I was going home this china bitch blatantly cut everyone's queue at the bus bay and so I scolded her LOL super ah lian I know shut up too bad she dang anal luh. Okiee today I quarreled with my mom quite abit so I came out to library to do my hw cause at home very tense sigh. Well hope steph likes what we got for her! :D

On a sadder note I miss papa slot but I'll be fine knowing he's happy :)
Bye babyzxzz.

idk.

2009-04-24T11:14:00.002+08:00

What are friends really, what did God create the subject 'friends' for? Am I being too sensitive? It's not that I don't want to say how I feel, it's just that people might just think I'm overreacting anyway. I want to say it out but I'm used to having anyone care. I've always been alone and I've walked this far alone. So what can I do about this situation anyway?

how weak is that?

2009-04-21T22:58:00.003+08:00

I keep trying to laugh things off but it just gets worse. What do I do from here? I feel like there's no one I can really trust anymore, why? My trust has been taken for granted way too many times and every single time I get back on my feet and continue this dreary ascend, alone. I don't know who is a friend, a foe, a hypocrite and whatnot. Why do I try to make sure everyone is okay before considering myself? Maybe deep inside, without the acknowledgement, I have already accepted that I have never been of any importance to anyone at all. So why do they pretend to care, and do nothing at all? What difference does it make then? You don't realise how you have been.

I need to be more selfish, is that it?

paint the pain.

2009-04-17T17:32:00.000+08:00

i hate you. i really do. i hate you. i hate you so bad. screw you. just die please.

Half the time the world is ending, truth is I am done pretending.

2009-04-13T21:24:00.003+08:00

{Thank you all for being there, even those not in the photo. Deanna, Eunice, Gena, Van, Yx, Chun Kiat, Sebastian, Gabriel, Stephy and some more, in no order of importance. I love you guys so much and thank God for all of you. Really.}

Hi.

I just felt like blogging again haha. To all who saw my horrible episode today, I'm really sorry. I must have looked super retarded. Suddenly I felt like a little kid crying. I am truly sorry about all these crying fits, I just don't know how to control it. Sigh. I really feel very helpless. I feel that I'm losing track of my studies but really i can't say it's not my fault. I just don't know how to pull myself together after Thursday. My mom is screaming in the background again FUCK. Sorry.

My mind is very mixed up. IDK. There are too many things to worry about, but truth is, are these irrelevant worries? Maybe I am thinking too much. And I am trying very hard not to get emotionally entangled with anyone, I can't use my time on such things anymore. And there are just things I don't want to expose. Maybe I'm afraid of any more loss.

Going to do my one day overdue lit assignment now but,
1)For that fella.

I don’t mind it
I don’t mind at all
It’s like you’re the swing set
And I’m the kid that falls
It’s like the way we fight
The times I’ve cried
We come to blows
And every night
The passion’s there
So it’s got to be right
Right?

No I don’t believe you
When you say don’t come around here no more
I won’t remind you
You said we wouldn’t be apart
No I don’t believe you
When you say you don’t need me anymore
So don’t pretend to
Not love me at all

I don’t mind it
I still don’t mind at all
It’s like one of those bad dreams
When you can’t wake up
It’s like you’ve given up
You’ve had enough
But I want more
No I won't stop
Because I just know
You’ll come around
Right?

Just don’t stand there and watch me fall
Because I, because I still don’t mind at all.

2)PLEASE TAG BEFORE YOU LEAVE OR I WILL BE ANGRY UH. Okay, not scary. But please do ayt :)

Bye dears, study hard :)

Sighing is my hobby.

2009-04-13T14:23:00.002+08:00

Sigh. My life is so disgusting. Wait, actually it's beyond that. I feel so inferior and I don't feel like any of you understand me. You don't know the stress of having to so well cause you are a fucking retainee. You don't but you act like you do and it just breaks me down even more. And when I can't do the things that others can I feel so damn sucky. They say it's alright, there's still time. But what? I already wastes one year. Why am I still not waking up? It's not that I don't want to. I am a good for nothing thank you very much.

Chasing pavements?

2009-04-11T15:09:00.003+08:00

It's your blatant lies that confuse me. Why hold me on this leash when you don't need me? It gets harder with every breath I take. How long can I hold on when I'm holding on to nothing. Why am I best at leaving when leaving is not the best thing? And with every day, I feel more ashamed to face all my loved ones. The scars on my wrist echoes the pain I'm going through, my heart is beating resentment. "I don't want to be alone, but now I feel like I don't know you." Who is going to pull me out of this mess? Or am I going to sit alone and await history to repeat itself? They all told you they'd be there for you at some point in time, the thing is who really keeps to what they say? Don't ridicule my faith this way, or I might just lose it. And now I'm so empty cause you've had your fill. I'll never let this go. Why am I contradicting myself? Erm, idk? I'll be back soon, been spending some quality time with the voices in my head. Bye.

I could sing of Your love forever :)

2009-03-24T01:06:00.004+08:00

I feel super happy for them, heheh. Cannot say who la, but maybe the person him/herslef will understand. I thought I wouldn't be but I realised i'm okay. SO ANYWAY, I WAS TALKING TO HAOQI ONLINE AND HE IS F-ING FUNNY LA WLAO.

Yeah, I was insisting that I am better than Mozart la. WHICH IS TRUEEE. EYYY, I was playing my fav song (one of the three songs i know how to play) at Sebby's house today. But it sounded so much nicer when Gabby joined. He ah, diploma is diploma, pro is pro. It's super duper cool when he plays the piano uhhh. And well, HAOQI HATED MY SONG HAHAHAHAHA AND EVERYONE WAS TRYING TO GET ME AWAY FROM THE PIANO HAHAHA KLAWHATEVERRRR. So, conclusion is, I am better than Mozart. Want lessons can call me. HAHAHAHA.

Now, this one.

HAHAHAHA, WLAO HES SO EVIL RIGHT. OKAYLA I STILL HAVE ALOT OF HW TO DOOOOO. THX FOR READING, YOU ARE SO KOOOLZXZXZ. AND YOU CAN PROLLY TELL IM HIGHGHGHGHGH.

YUP BYE BYEEEE :D

I DECIDED TO POST A SONG BY GAVIN ROSSDALE, ITS SUPER NICE :)

Love does remain the same :)

you belong to me.

2009-03-18T16:06:00.003+08:00

I was reading my friend's blog and i read an entry from super long ago and he wrote something super sweet for his girlfriend. Seriously eh, I read it and i was like whoa not bad.

I found this girl which many thought unlikely,
But she pulled me out of the mess, set me straight confidently.
I always wondered, if she is one of God's sent angels,
The one I love so, only her and no other girls.

AWWW RIGHT. It also means I got no chance already, not other girls leh. HAHAHAHAHHAHA. Whatever la i'm just kidding. Somehow I feel so happy for him that there's someone he loves so much and I hope that he will not give up on the relationship ever. :)

Well, yesterday was fucking cool until my mom called and my mood just sank like....

I WAS AT THE AIRPORT STUDYING WITH LIYANA LA, I DID NOT LIE. WTF.
Forget it, don't want to talk bout it.
Well, i really had fun with the girl. She hasn't changed la not one bit. We talked about alot of stuff, and it felt really good telling her stuff, like what i did in the past, about him and about what's right and what's wrong. And I am super happy for her that she has found the person she loves. It felt a lil strange at first but reality kinda set in and when you see two of your friends so happy, you are happy for them. And seeing people happy gives me hope, a hope that I will hold on to. I hope to see them real soon :) AND WE WERE TALKING BOUT STEVEN LIM ASKING THEM TO BE MODELS THEN LAST NIGHT I HEARD THAT SICK IDIOT STEVEN LIM APPROACHED MY BROTHER IN TOWN YEST TO BE A MODEL. Had a good laugh, really. :D

WELLLLLL, I made this promise to myself just now. That I will do everything as per normal, and be ignorant of whatever my mom will say as long as my conscience is clear. God is watching me, i'm sure he will point out the right way for me:) Urgh, I haven't bought my cross. PFFFTT.

That's bout it really, I'm almost done with oranges are not the only fruit. I love it. I shall go katong to photocopy it in awhile so I can start on it :)

I have this song on replay, it's you belong to me by lifehouse and it's so sweet uh.
{See the pyramids around the Nile
Watch the sunrise from a tropic isle
Just remember darling all the while
You belong to me

See the marketplace in old Angier
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears
You belong to me

And I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again
You belong to me
}

I love my family, my friends and everything else surrounding :)

Flying fuck

2009-03-17T15:47:00.002+08:00

Hahaha I just love that line lorhhzxszxs. I have this terrible habit, I realized and that is being too curious. I keep digging too deep into things and in the end I end up getting hurt. But it's alright :) I'm learning to be strong, you have to love yourself he said. Ahhhhhh, bored sia. Byeeeeeeeeeee loverrrs.

The only way that I know how to feel;

2009-03-16T18:55:00.002+08:00

Well, this is the first time I'm blogging on my itouch and I'm at the airport, supposedly studying. I miss someone eh how. Haha, oh well. You so cute. Omg I'm attempting to be cheena eh, and I'm barely trying. Khai is at the table diagonally behind me with samir, haha. I can't focus, I read something like 5 mins ago and it's getting to me they way I promised it wouldn't. Please forgive me God :( Sigh. I don't know bout the many things I want but one thing's for sure - I'm not sacrificing myself for you anymore. If one thing does make me high, it's that your xxxxxxxx was not very xxxxxxxx to xxx on the night xx xxxx back xxxx xxxxxx HAHA. Come on, come ask me :) hehehehehehe, tata. Wlao, dang hard to type. I'm meeting lily Allen tomorrow :D

I had to post this cause it's dang funny?

2009-03-09T00:49:00.001+08:00

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yeah that's what I told him next. So annoying la. I should ask Deanna for that flasher's msn then give to him and say hey sexy let's get on webcam ;P

Okay WHATEVER LOR, I was doing my MRP.

pffffft.

2009-03-08T20:17:00.001+08:00

1)I just invited trouble to view my blog.
2)I just saw something that made me so jealous la, WLAOOOO.
3)Jafaar taught me how to untag the photos so ya, HAHAHA.
4)Why the pok am I still here? LOL.

:)

2009-03-08T18:46:00.005+08:00

OMGOMGOMG I NEED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. I CANNOOOOOOT LET LOL SEEEEEEE. CAN I SAY A VULGARITY, PRETTY PLEASE?

OKAY FUCK.

PLEASE DO NOT SEE IT, PLEASE DARLIN.

HAHAHAHHAHAA.

Well, on a random note, i think i have recovered from the heartbreak.
I realised that I was so silly to be writing emo posts all the time! That's not what my blog is going to be for.

I remember one time i was complaining and being emo again, and what he said really hit me. Something bout maybe I was the problem and not everyone else. Wtf right,lol. At first I didnt reply, cos i was like wtf. You're supposed to provide some comfort here. Not rub salt on my wounds and spit into it too, lol. But as I thought about it, I realised he was right. And yes, the stuff he has said to me has certainly earned my respect and more despite what I had heard before.

I read his blog that day, he never told me he had one. wthhhh. But anyway, I saw stuff that I never saw before and it took me these two days to really think it through. That night, I knew I had lost him. But I hope not as a friend cos he is awesome afterall :) I really wanted to cry but I was so fucking exhausted at 2am in the morning that I just couldn't. The next day in school I just broke down, guess not many people saw, just the usual. I was listening to james morrison's the pieces don't fit anymore and fuck i was damn sad. Just sat there and cried and cried. After reading his blog, I realised he was more than what I always thought he was and I am not afraid to let him read any of this. He's really a very lucky guy and at some point i felt i envied him so bad. I stood in the shower for an hour yesterday thinking bout things. Conclusion was that, he's such a great person and despite some of the problems he might have, he is so lucky to have all the things he has in his life now,and having anything to have to do with me would be such an unlucky thing and i wouldnt want to ruin his streak. As lame as it sounds, that's what I really felt. I wonder if he sees how lucky he is, oh well. Sometimes it just takes someone else' perspective.

As for WINNIE THE POOH(WTP), WHAT THE POK. HAHAHAHAHA. Whatever laaaa. I think she must be an amazing person, and i swear i really really mean it. And I take back all the mean stuff I said bout her (can i think it please?) because I was never really in any sort of position to criticise her. I don't even know the girl, so yeah. I am sorry, i am sorry, i am sorry. Even though she doesnt know what i said. I always thought I would win her hands down in many aspects, but come to think of it she must have won me in many many more ways than i ever knew.

I have decided to be a better person, HAHAHAHAHA. Aiya, really la, stop raising your eyebrows. Guess what, made an effort to be nice to Siva last night! Awesome anot. I don't want to be such a bitch anymore, lol.

BTW I GOT A BIG FAT 'A' FOR MY A LEVEL CHINESE, AND DISTINCTION FOR ORAL :D I didnt really expect it, actually. I mean I know my language is one of my stronger points but I didnt want to be complacent. Last time I did, I had to retake chinese o's. Thank you God <3

I need to quit digressing really. Urgh. One of the reasons why I decided to let go of the whole omg i love you idea was after talking to deanna. She's right, I can't wait for the fella. I AM A RETAINEE. That's a fact. And I cannot screw up jc1 again. Or it'll be the end of the road. MOE doesnt allow us to retain at the same level twice. Imagine if I'm fucked up everyday, I'll be outta school in the end. If i go and sign up for poly? Nahh, I used to want it so bad. But now, I just think, no. I don't want to. I'm too easily influenced, I'd screw up the rest of my life there. What I need is a school with rules and a uniform. I MEAN COME ON I FEEL MEAN SAYING THIS BUT I WATCHED KIARA AND NINA SCREW UP THERE. So much that although I'd still save their lives when I see them in danger, i won't want to actually have anything directly to do with them. When I was with them, I had to walk in their shadows. If I still did now, I'd be a loser. Opps, sorry. ANYWAY, SO YEAH I LOVE YOU DEANNA. For making me see my priorities :) & besides, it might not even happen if i waited.

For the last few days, I wake up and listen to songs that push me forward. Like, 'I'm getting over you' and stuff like that. It's working :)

Sooo, actually. If anything actually happens between them, i'll jump right back into it. HAHAHAHA. Sorry la, i really will do it. It'll be her fault then :D Even if nothing happens to them and they get married and live happily ever after, i'll wish them well (really? HAHAHA.) Shh, but I think one day I might do something with him. And only I know what it is, HAHAHA. Ok, maybe he does too? Idk. But I always wanted to, just never had the courage to. lol. So everytime he went on and talked about stuff like that, I just digressed. ALTHOUGH I WANTED TO EH, SEE I'M SUCH A GOOD GIRL RIGHT. hahahahahahaha. Oh wellszxzxzxzx.

So anyway MATTHEW, I do love you. But just as a simple friend, as the idiot who has influenced me to use 'lol's in my texts and as the one who has been there too many times. & I sincerely hope that we can remain friends, cause sometimes, the things you say in your texts and on the phone are the medication I need. Looooovveeee :]
Your girlfriend needs to count her blessings lor, what the pok.

WHAT THE F AM I DOING HERE? Wlaoooo, I have four tests next week, two assignments to rush and I'm blogging. On an extremely random note, I am starting to love my class, 0937. At the least, they're genuine, not hypocrites like those !@#$%^&*(). Whatever la, I was a super hypocrite that day too. They call it an eye for an eye. Anw, most of my classmates are awesome! So yeah, I'm really glad that I'll be spending my two years with these people <3 We shall work hard tgt alright :)

Oh and sorry to Deanna cause when she saw my post with all the 'why's, she thought her com was hanging. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

OKAYLA, GOODBYE. LOVELOVE.

really?

2009-03-05T01:31:00.001+08:00

why.

2009-03-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?

If you could answer all my why's then maybe i'll stop crying.

M.

2009-02-24T21:51:00.000+08:00

I miss you already, baby what do I do from here?

you'll never know.

2009-02-24T21:44:00.003+08:00

you'll never know, you'll never know. what you mean to me. what everything about you means to me. what every word you say to me means to me. how evry sweet thing you say makes me smile like some crazy fella, and you'll never know how hard it was for me to make this decision. Perhaps it is time for me to leave, but i'll always be there when you need me. Even if you don't know it, I do. it's you, it's you; there's nothing i can't do I'll always be ready to take you in my arms love. i never really said this to you except about a million times but maybe it sounded more like a joke. But yes, I love you. And if I had more choices, maybe I wouldn't have had to come to this one. I hope you hav the best things in the world, but I won't include myself in those things. Again and again; i love you, i love you.

oh my lover for the first time in my life;

2009-02-20T23:02:00.002+08:00

OKAY, i have been so inactive uh. Basically cos i'm always too lazy to blog even when i'm online. Well, most of my classmates have a blog eh. And i have like two? Cos of lj uh. So i decided to start all over again and imma link them :)

So we've been working on our history proj etitled 'the opera'.Yeah okay laugh, laugh and laugh again. Now STOP. We have to sing most of the parts of the presentation. Okayla,it's actually real ass fun and everyone's so cute except for one person, UGH.
In alphabetical order, Deanna, Gena, Eunice and Li Wei :) Deanna's the momma, and she's been so upset that her baby has to be speared. HAHA. Gena's the farmer who eventually joins the army, Eunice is the student, Li Wei is the jap commander (and his evil laugh is super funny okay). Well, I'm the narrator cum British soldier cum some other parts. And I do hope we have a blast with this, it means alot to all of us.

As happy as I sound, I am prolly experiencing one of the toughest times of my life an everything is so fucked.I just can't be alone or I'll start crying and thats when i need you so fucking bad, you don't see that. There's just something about you, when I'm talking to you on the phone. It's just, I feel I can pretend nothing else is happening. Fuck. I wish I never talked to you, I wish nothing ever happened. Cos I really don't want to fall again. Cos this time if you're gone who am I gonna run to?

me : Or I'll just grab you and run away :)
<3 : Either way...
me : Either way I'd feel better than what I'm feeling now.
<3 : Cause I'm there?
me : Yeah.

Okay I was kinda high that night uh cos I jut came back from drinking breezers at the bus stop. Wtf right, like some bangla or ah tiong. Lol.
Thing is, I don't know how I feel. I jut don't know how I should get used to life w/o you. Really, what will I do? I fucking don't know.

I'm losing everyone, soon I'll lose myself.

(would i have lost her if i went to poly, i doubt it)

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you,
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking,
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I try to hold on, but it hurts too much
I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
How can I give anymore
When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

kimberly .

2008-11-18T22:53:00.001+08:00

i know that you told him and i'm disgusted at you. last time it was your guilty conscience, i hope i make it obvious enough this time around.

dshd dshd

2008-10-29T23:25:00.001+08:00

well hello earthlings. miss super cool here has relocated to livejournal. ask me bout it yeah :)

fucketh you.

2008-10-14T23:48:00.003+08:00

I know I haven't updated in a really long time. I don't know how long, it seems to have been forever. It's not that I've been busy, rather that I have been at a loss of words. Suddenly, so much is going on.

I had stomach flu, for two fucking weeks.
I don't know if anyone knows how it felt but it was the most horrible shit ever.
The pain and vomitting would so bad I would just crumble on the floor.
& no, I did not want to go to the fucking hospital so they could stick that funny machine with the tube down my throat to my stomach to see what was wrong.
Nofuckingway, I'd have died in the hospital.
I'm all better now, but the pain still comes once in a while & i just swallow, close my eyes and lie down until it's gone. It seems so simple right?

I don't want pw to screw up, i don't want pw to screw up, i don't want pw to screw up. This has somehow become my bedtime prayer.
I mean come on, okay we're lagging and lacking but we have a few of us in there who can do work, and most importantly we have this friendship.
Just for the record, there are so many groups where there members don't get along.
We had problems at first, we fixed it.
We're having problems now, we'll fix it.
Come on Abdul, have some faith in us. That's the least you could do.
Don't flare up, and tell me you have all reason to lose faith.
I'm sorry, so fucking sorry, so are the others (idk bout ehem).
If you're gonna tell me one more time that you've given up or whatnot,
I would like to tell you that you are the biggest letdown.
Apologies don't just come in words, actions will follow.
Don't step us down like that when we're trying to act.
Please?

some parts from this post have been removed for privacy purposes. :)

Don't fucking judge me.

2008-09-25T00:18:00.001+08:00

I need a cigarette so bad, pleasse pleasee.
Fuck I need to feel happy again not pretend to be.

OhmyGod.

2008-09-24T22:30:00.004+08:00

I need one more H2, God please help me.
I know I don't need to promote but I just want to do something for my pride.
If I don't get it, I will accept it.
But thank you God, for getting me here.
I didn't expect to attain what I have, so yes.
I do feel good about it already.

Today I will put a name down on my blog.
That person's name is Khairiah and KHAI I LOVE YOU :]
I don't know what I would have done w/o you last night, really.
Thank you, for sticking up for me all this while.
I guess I suddenly saw the light, HAHA.
It's just that I trust people so much I don't see their flaws.
I'm supposed to accept their flaws, I know.
But when they dish out everything at me time and again, I don't think I can anymore.
Don't blame me for it.
I'll be fine, it'll take a while.
You made me realise that everything ain't that bad afterall, THANK YOU.

To that person that let me down:
I couldn't find the words to say for so long, I guess it was the fear of it all.
Even right now I find it difficult.
I no longer see you like how I used to, I don't know why.
Fcuk it I'm damn confused.
But I know one thing for sure.
You are not my true friend, sure you used to be.
Not after so fcuking many times, you're not.
I finally see it, honestly.
I cannot forgive you anymore, I've realised.
Or you'll think you can bully me right?
Just because I seem to forgive you fcuking take me for granted and let me down sooooo many times. You think I'm alright just cos you apologised.
Wlao my english feels so bad when I'm angry cos the vulgarities just want to spit at your face.
I'm so pissed suddenly, I thought I wasn't at first you know?
But it hit me that you're just gonna keep doing it.
Apparently not.
I won't let you again, trust me.
Indeed it is what you do that defines you.
/F

Thank you so much Khai, and I'll always be here for you :]

Let's end with a songgggg D: Boys like Girls - The Only Way I Know How to Feel

THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO FEEL - BOYS LIKE GIRLS

Before you let me fall,
Kill me so I don't feel it at all
Push my body up against the wall
And pick your poison
Cuz everything feels wrong
And I don't know where I belong

Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave me in pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that's the only way that I know how to feel

Maybe it's a phase
Maybe I'll break out of it someday
Maybe this is just my twisted fate
I always feel like everything is wrong
And I don't know where I belong

Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave me in pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that's the only way that I know how….

To feel your arms around my neck
I'm suffocating with regret from all the wasted hours spent
Believing I was never meant
To touch the face of something real
These sewn up scars will never heal
But I put down a deal
Cuz that's only way that I know how to feel

Take me for granted
Make me feel used
Leave in pieces
Broken and bruised

Take me for granted
Make me…I promise that you'll
Never keep on fallin' to pieces
Misery is company
Cuz I know that it's real
I've learned to love the pain
Cuz that the only way that I know how to feel

I know how to feel...
You're the only way that I know how to feel

Right now I totally miss Ethel.

You're my one cliche that I won't stop using.

2008-09-20T23:36:00.001+08:00

One year; no change.

2008-09-20T23:09:00.003+08:00

I didn't expect that from you, you just crushed the opinion I had of you at first.
Of course you won't feel bad, you don't know how to.
I won't regret befriending you, why, you ask.
I saw your true colours, I gained something out of it.
This'll be the one mistake I won't ever regret.

I will not deny the impact the truth had on me.
It wasn't just anger, I don't even know exactly what it was.
Sadness? Disappointment?
I don't know, just that I feel you have emptied a part of me.
The part that acccepts people for who they are & the one that trusted.
It's gone, are you happy now?

You wouldn't care what I thought of you, of course, but I'm gonna say it anws.
YOU, are so much less than what you portray yourself as.
You think you're a perfectionist so apparently you think your decisions &
everything you say is naturally justified. What a loser, really.
I never thought I would ever say that about you.
How funny can I get, let me show you.
I thought you were awesome, an amazing friend.
Because you were there for me in times of desperation,
and I am extremely tempted to use a vulgarity on you now.
But no, I'm being considerate for my dear muslim friends.

Yes, I know how to think for others, unlike you.
Your so called perfect state of mind is just a shallow one.
So shallow that anything ANYONE says can sway you.
The softest whisper at your ear makes you arch your ears.
You translate everything others think into your own thoughts.
That's how deep you go, not very deep apparently.
Stop thinking that you're some perfectionist,
or you'll die from trying to be perfect, something you can never attain.
I sound mean, yes I know.
Even as I type this out I'm thinking why do I want to be so harsh.
Maybe, just maybe. It's because it's not gonna have any impact on you anws,
I just need to let it all out.
I think I'm disgusting because I just cried over you half an hour ago.
Like, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Let me pose you the most complex question you would have ever been faced with.
WHY?
Difficult, ain't it, trying to figure yourself out when all along you thought you knew yourself oh-so-well.
It's okay, you have the rest of your life to figure it out.
I'll just take my leave first ayt?
:]

p.s Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, I've memorised it,
cos now I'm needing it.
Know what it means?
-Don't let the bastards grind you down.

I expected more.

2008-09-18T23:02:00.005+08:00

I just cried again, oh no.
Could it be, that I can change things.
No not anymore, by the looks of it.
All because you won't let me.

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum;

2008-09-18T23:02:00.003+08:00

OMG, okay shoot me. I have been extremely inactive.
I'm extremely depressed today, just came back from starbucks.

Nah, doesn't have anything to do with starbucks,
just thinking bout the events of today all in all.
Random much, i just love the starbucks people.
They are so funny and lovely and blah blah,
it's gonna be awesome working with 'em :D

IMMA BE A BARISTA, how cool is that, hehe.
I'm like thinkin gup ways to be different,
like not a typical barista yoz.
I was thinking of getting the geek specs, but well idks.
& I wanna wear a cap, that should be confirmed. :]
THENNNN, i like want suspenders, but it'll be bocked by my apron anws D:
Sooo, we'll see.
Abit early to say anws.
Just to name the people I can rmb, it'd be :
Hakeem, Hussein, Khus, Aizat, Fish, Wana, etc.
Although I don't really know them yet,
I know we'll do fantastic working tgt :]

Is this place the only place we can communicate.
I am extremely sad.
You texted me twice today.
1) You're almost gone, you're good as gone. Breathe in deep and say goodbye. August is over.
2) Can we go back to where we were before, when you left your heart at my door.
I looked through everything,
and couldn't find anything perfect to reply anymore.
Cos I've used every line up but to no avail.
In the end I replied something I didn't even mean.
I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sometimes I feel so sad that I have to do this & if it's affecting you.
Then something pushes me forward, hesitation it must be.
It makes me cry, I'm not supposed to anymore.
After which I look at your friendster and what not which just tells me one simple thg;

No, you don't need me.
& how I hopelessly wish that you would prove me wrong.
But no, your life is too perfect.
You have all you need.
You're so happy that I feel so sad.
My heart is aching.
My last text was supposed to be the goodbye one, honest.
But I was really so scared that the world was gonna end,
I just had to tell you I cared.
Silly me.
Then I saw the Sentosa photos & sent my second goodbye.
I slept with the tears on my pillow that night.
But you hit me time & again, like how you did today.

Believe me, when I saw the text pop up with your name,
my heart stopped for a moment.
Bit my lip, and tried to act all happy in front of the rest.

I'm scared.
That if I let my heart out again, you'll just hurt me again.
It's happened too many times, i'm so damn scared.
I need reassurance, something you can't give me.
I'm not playing whatever fiddle you want me to play anymore.

But do you know,
you cross my thoughts every single day, w/o fail & idk why.
it's so dumb

I just heaved a sigh, not of relief.
I don't know what it is either.
It's like whoa, I let it out.
But I don't feel any better.
Can I tell you one more thing?
It's oh so dang silly.
I hate, oh i detest, the way you never had a photo with me on your friendster.
How you have so many others.
How you never smile properly when I ask you to pose for a shot.
How you have photos of people that haven't known you half the time I have.
I'm too ugly to be put up, is that it?
I hate the way you're still on my wallpaper.

There, let it out.

This is such a lousy way to change the topic but yeah,
NEXT.

I love my class, to the maxxxxx.
I love the way they make me laugh.

However,

I have something to say to some of you.
Jokes are jokes right?
I have my pride okay?
I'm not perfect, and awareness is what I have.
When you say some thing, it hits me. Hard.
I just don't want to show it & ruin the mood.
Don't take it for granted.
Nah-uh, you don't want me to flare up.
It's funny at first, and it's still funny maybe to you and whoever.
But it was never funny to me, at all.
& maybe you should just consider how I feel.
Stop, for two seconds, just two.
& consider.

Please, & thank you.

TRALALALALA, I know I owe class post like damn long already.
I'll get it done, really soon.
Hopefully next post?

Pamm, Claudy, Bryan, KaiLin, Tara & I played ball that day.
I have a bruise on my knee D:

I just wanted to tell you that the way you acted was rather annoying.
Even they were talking bout it.
It just made you appear arrogant and everything else you're not.
& damn was I pissed.
I hogged the ball, I'm sorry.
It wasn't intentional or whatnot but sorry anws.
Don't act like that, it makes me consider alot. Or reconsider.

Lunched with the babes today, damn do I love them.

I don't feel like going to school tmr, headache is killing me and I have pw to do.
Hook me up for tmr, anyone?
I REALLY REALLY REALLY need to shoppppp D:
I read Seventeen & Cleo past two days and omg so much I wanna get.
Sponsors?
Okay neverminddd, I'll have some quality time with my mummy later.
HAHA.
I was kidding, I don't wanna stress her.
I love you mummy.
How random was that yo.
I need to work or else no money siaaaa.
:[

Going starbucks on Sat cos Hussein says Wana is working Sat night :]
Hope Herman calls me up soon :]

I'm gonna do Pw now.
Like I mugged my ass off for Promos (to no avail), & I thought it was time to slack.
But nooo?
Roarrr.

Alrights, imma go do work now gonna leave loads of vids below yup?
Watch, if your guts permit you. The front is a lil boring though.

Run away love ♥♡

2008-08-30T23:17:00.003+08:00

I wish I hadn't agreed when you asked me out that time.
I wish you hadn't held my hand so tight & told the waves not to take me.
I wish I never knew you so you didn't have so many chances to hurt me.
I wish you hadn't reached out your hand to me when he hurt me that night.
I wish I had said goodbye & gave you a hug when I last saw you that day.
I wish I will never see you again so I can save my tears.
I wish that you will remember the happier times we shared.
I wish you hadn't let me go.
I wish you hadn't let yourself go.

I was never good enough for you, both of you.
Goodbye.

The Best Damn Thing, was having you.

2008-08-25T22:46:00.002+08:00

I could only sing you sad songs
And you could sing along
And you could see the melody
That's been calling out your wrongs
And this never will be right with me
And now you're trying to desperately
But i'm tongue tied and terrified of what i'll say
But i never told you everything
I'm losing hope and fading dreams
And every single memory along the way

And then we both go down together
We may stay there forever
I'll just try to get up
And i'm sorry
This wasn't easy
When i asked you, believe me
You never let go
But i let go.

I haven`t let go, I never have.

My perfect one.

2008-08-25T22:22:00.002+08:00

My perfect one wasn't all so perfect.
He had the worst temper ever, he acted like he didn't care.
It's only now he's gone, that I see what I meant to him.
& what he meant to me.
everything.

Dad, do you know how I'm hurting?

I had a dream that you sent me the day after you left.
You didn't say a word to me, just took me out.
At the end, you smiled,
kissed me, and said,"I love you".
I woke up.
And cried, and cried.

Nothing can explain the way I feel,
Sometimes I want to join you because I'm scared you're lonely.
But, I know I can't.
I'd do anything, to spend one more day with you.

(taken from farnie's blog)

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

-Simple Plan ; Perfect

The difference is, I know you still care.

I love you.

Hush.

2008-08-24T00:27:00.003+08:00

Somebody tell me what I've done wrong, just don't tell me everything.
I can't catch my breath. With every little problem, my heart starts beating so fast.
I can feel it, like something big is gonna happen.

What happened yesterday that got me all in tears?
We were at Macs, having alot of fun.
Then some of your problems caught up with you.
I tried to be there for you, I did.
You know how helpless I felt?
I just wanted to hug you and make you stop crying.
Then.
He came back and wanted to sit, so I moved.
But he was looking at me, with question.
So I looked back.
I could see something in his eyes, somehow.
Before I could look deeper,
he shouted.
YOU had to hold him close and tell him it was okay.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I TO YOU?
EVER THOUGHT BOUT HOW I FELT?
LIKE ASIF IT WAS ALL FUCKING MY FAULT.
AND DID I MENTION?
THINK BOUT HOW I FELT.
LIKE SHIT, THATS WHAT.
& I have to fucking swallow everything.

REALLY.
FUCK IT.
NO APOLOGY?
NEVERMIND.
THATS WHY I SAY.
I DESERVE ALL THIS.
OKAY FUCK?
I wanted to tell you how I felt,
but no you never have time to listen.
Busy, yes?
At least try, your very fucking best to keep one promise you make to me.
You make me cry too much, you know.
I can be so fucking sad now but yet I'm still right beside you.
When?
have you ever?
Really understood how I felt.

Helpless, I told you.
That's how I feel.

You leave me out of so many fucking things.
If you don't need me in your life,
JUST FUCKING TELL ME.
REALLY, SAVE ME THE PAIN.

I felt so angry today when I thought bout your Dad.
My heart beat so fast, I couldn't breath properly.
I want to grab him by the collar and tell him to take it out on me instead.
Really.
Beat me however he wants, cos it doesn't matter.
Every blow would be for you.
Really,
pass him a message will you.
Tell him to come and fuck ME up.

My head is fucking throbbing, do you even care.
Everything you put me through, false hopes.
There's no one there for me,
at least I thought you'd be different.
At least after more than two years.
I thought you'd have realised that we are like family and not friends.

BUT NOW.
Something is telling me that I was wrong.
I'm fighting for my life here,
to prove that thing wrong.
Just lend me your hand, please.

There's so much stuff I don't tell you, you know?
I know you have your own problems so I don't
want to overload you.
I have to be on my own.
I do have someone there for me,
but it's different you know?
You don't realise it.
I feel fucking inferior.
I'm not good enough for you and nina.
I told nina i have to feel something both of you never have to feel.
Do you know what?
Because both of you are far too fucking gorgeous for me.
I'm sorry, I'm not good enough.

My vision is blurring, I can't write this any much longer.
My fever is running, after the rain today.
Your life has just enough space for two.
Jaron is first, then comes Nina. Then maybe the backup plan?
Maybe there really isn't enough space.
I'll take my leave if you want me to,
just let me take one last bow alright?

Unbreakable? No, I'm not. And I can never be.

Where are the people that accused me?
The ones who beat me down and bruised me
They hide just out of sight
Can't face me in the light
They'll return but I'll be stronger

God, I want to dream again
Take me where I've never been
I want to go there
This time I'm not scared
Now I am unbreakable, it's unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it's hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can't see
To reach my destiny
I want to take control but I know better

Forget the fear it's just a crutch
That tries to hold you back
And turn your dreams to dust
All you need to do is just trust

Take Care of yourself.

thinking that I deserve this.

2008-08-19T23:29:00.003+08:00

As you can all see, I'm already sick of my blog.

I'll keep it simple then.
I cried on the bus home, you'll ask why.
Because today was not a good day.
Photos are revelations in their own ways.
Really,
I'm not angry, just disappointed.
& maybe sad.
Okay, not maybe.
I am FUCKING sad, like, FUCKING.
I have to use the word to show sad I actually am.
But it's alright, forget it.
What to do right.
I'll just grit my teeth, cos I don't wanna cry no more.
I only have less than three months left.
I've taken everything they've thrown at me,
only not I've stopped throwing back already.
For the best of everyone.
Three months left, throw at me everything you've got.
I'll get hit,sure I will, but I'll stand back up again.
Bite my lips, for the short time left.
Won't let those tears fall.
FRIENDS? HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Joke?
GOTCHA!

& apologies were never what I wanted. But yet I'm so sorry, cos I can never be good enough. But thank you, for showing me all this.

Kiara, cheer up. I am here for you.

VROOOOOOOOOM, I'm back.

2008-08-14T01:43:00.006+08:00

I haven't blogged in a gazillion years. Well, not that long, maybe bout one week?
Life's distressing but I'm trynna keep up w it.
Seriously, I've been skipping school quite abit.
I know it's just my form of escape, but I'm just too scared.
Scared of what, you may ask.
Everything, the people & the consequences.
Sometimes I really feel that I'm taking up too much stuff.
Like as if I'm not busy enough, I actually went to join TPJC editorial team.
But at least it's fun, have my goodie pamela w me inside.
It ain't that bad afterall, right?
Lying to yourself makes you feel better, I'm smiling right now.
But wells, ILY pamm :]

I didn't go to school today, it wasn't faked alright.
I woke up at like 6.30 and was feeling fucking nauseous, like fuck.
Mummy asked me not to go to school, and i (like duh) happily obliged.
Called best & she was studying for her exam so well didnt go w me.
So I called A & despite having an exam the next day,
He went w me to the polyclinic.
Like seriously, how sweet is that?
I'm not making any comparisons here though, altho it just shows alot.
& omg something happened, and I'm officially the luckiest girl of the day.
(yesterday actually, it's thurs already :[ )
We walked to Marine Parade Library whilst waiting,
cos mummy asked me to help her return a book.
Then since it was like 11 patients waiting, we went to use the comp.
Then, church by tpain plays and tadah, "QNO 2262 PLEASE RETURN...."
I was like, oh fuck why so fast.
So we rushed back, and at the doorstep of the clinic,
I started fumbling for my wallet, and lo and behold,
IT FUCKING WASN'T THERE.
Half walked and ran back to the library & IT WAS STILL THERE.
LIKE AWESOME-O :] I'm so happy :)

A, thank you for being there. I love you, lalalalala.

my friend :]

Sorry.

When I went home, I just surfed the net for super long,
and watched half of ps. i love you.
It's either so fucking awesome or I'm just over emotional.
Cos it got me sobbing right from the start.
I love it.
One part I hated was, why the fuck did the guy have to die.
I know that's the point of the whole story.
But, NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
If my lover just died like that I'd be behind him at the gates in minutes.
Seriously.
It makes me so sad, just the thought of it.
You know I'd do that for you?
But after watching the half of it, I have officially decided.
To ditch you & marry and irish man.
Seriously, they're so fucking sexy,
I want him to sing to me everyday :]
Okay, fantasies again. HAHAHAHA. Oh wells, fantasies make us all happy,
don't they?

Which reminds me.

LOVE,
I'm sorry.
It's my fault.
It's so ironic what I've said in the earlier parts.
Cos I'm so sorry, I can't do it no more.
It makes me sad and tired.
I'm sorry I couldn't reciprocate anything earlier,
I really am.
It's all too late, is it?
Life's bout giving and taking.
I think I've had enough of you to make me smile this way,
it's time I let you go.
You're my secret, one that I'll always keep close to my heart.
We`ll see, alright?
After promos, when all priorities are gone.
Somehow I feel like I have to let you go.
Why do you make me feel this way.
When all my thoughts ponder on you, the way no one knows.
When someone asks me why I look so happy,
my mind just flies straight back toyour face again.
& again and again and again. repeatedly. w/o any stoppage.
It's like seeing you at every road junction,
where every single car has to stop for us.
How ironic can I get?
I just thought you should know,
it's not that I dont love you.
It's circumstances.
Sorry, infinity times.
If anything will tell, it's time.
Let's wait.
& I will give you the time you need.
Oh not really, only until after promos.
Long enough?
By then, if I don`t feel nothing,
I'm leaving forever, further than ever.
Okay?
deal
It'ssealed with us.

VA VA VOOM, such a long day.
I just finished watching soccer, argentina vs serbia.
Argentina won 2-0, wheee :]
But I can't hep but say the referee was a lil biased.
The first goal was from a penalty, well deserved.
Then he gave another penalty to argentina in the second half.
Which Di Maria machiam bodoh aim so near to where the keeper as standing.
Eh, even I could have saved it, HAHA.
Then the referee gave another, which I felt was not justified.
Even though I am an Argentinia supporter.
It's like, dang, why you don't score, now I have to give lame excuse to give another.
Wells, fucker Di Maria kicked it at the same spot again.
Keeper saved it again, no difference, lalala.
The second goal was from an awesome-o free kick, curled right into the net.
Nice one.
Oh yeah anyways, the referee gave two yellow cards to No.11 of Serbia.
The first time cos he was disrespectful and the second cos he fouled.
So red card, bye no.11.
Good game, awful referee.
Which is ironic since the referee makes the whole match possible.
AH FUCK IT.
I HAVENT DONE LIT ASSIGNMENT.
& I'm feeling nauseous.
Okay stop thinking I'm pregnant cos if I were I should have given birth by now.
Stupid doctor asked me if I'm sexually active, I went LOL in her face & said no.
She went, "ARE YOU SURE?"
Damn you la dey.
Eh the air con so fucking cold I wish I could hug you :(

Shit I feel so sick, maybe I'm really dying, how?
Sometimes I really wish I would be diagnosed w some terminal disease,
then just depart this world.
No one would miss me anyways.
I`ve always hoped for this funeral, where I'll request in advance,
for all the hottest club hits to be blasted.
I'll be dancing along in my coffin :]
If there's space lor.
Likefuck, that day Bryan totally cursed me to die.
HAHAHA.
Bryan : Have you done GP homework?
Me: Erm...... How bout no?
Bryan : Econs?
Me: I'm screwed right.
Bryan : Yeah, so have you bought your coffin? Did you pay the deposit or the full amount? I'll attend your funeral:]

Like omg, he was so gleeful bout me dying.
HAHAHA.
But I know he was joking, he's too nice to be evil.
I sincerely hope.
Thanks for the encouragement anyways :]

Oh this is so fucking random, who wants to see my latest obsession?
NOOOOO, it's not Michael Phelps boys.
But stop insulting the poor guy anws, funnnnny.
I texted Bryan this morning when he won his fourth gold medal.
He replied, "Wow cool.. Good for ol' dumbo."
Seriously, his ears weren't his fault.
Okay HAHA, I'm laughing.
Back to my latest obsession.
The name's Alexander Pato, from the Brazil footy team.
Hot bodoh.

Fucking hot, like seriously.
I wanna marry him, vbiwjrnviebrnirubviuetbnouvtr.
Oh wait, I thought I wanted an Irish. PFFT.
Too many hot foreign men, none locally, UNFORTUNATELY.
That's why after A's I'm flying off. hopefully.
I'm so gonna dream of him tonight :]
AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SOOOO HOTTTT.
SHEESH.

Alrighty, write damn long already can?
But no class post yet.
I'm so damn sorry, seriously.
I think I only can write after promos.
Now they're all gonna stone me to death.
Wells, I'm so sad just thinking how limited our time is.
I'm not sad enough yet, i guess.
Cos you can only really feel the pain when something's REALLY gone.
Rahhhhh.

Shall end of with a song, it really touched me.
Love Remains the Same by Gavin Rossdale :]

A thousand times I've seen you standing
Gravity like lunar landing
You make me wanna run till I find you
I shut the world away from here
I drift to you, you're all I hear
As everything we know fades to black

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But,love remains the same

I find a place where we escape
Take you with me for the space
The city buzz sounds just like a fridge
I walk the streets through seven bars
I have to find just where you are
The faces seem to blur
They're all the same

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending

I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
But love remains the same

So much more to say
So much to be done
Don't you trick me out
We shall overcome
It's all left still to play

We - we could have had the sun
Could have been inside
Instead we're over here

Half the time the world is ending
Truth is I am done pretending
Too much time too long defending
You and I are done pretending

I never thought that I
Had anymore to give
You're pushing me so far
Here I am without you
Drink to all that we have lost
Mistakes we have made
Everything will change
Everything will change

I, oh I,
I wish this could last forever
I, oh I,
as if this could last forever

Love remains the same,
Love remains the same.

Goodnight everyone,
be good children.

Don't say I didn't try.

2008-08-07T00:16:00.004+08:00

Everything in school is fine, i guess.
AH FUCK JUST SAW HIS FRIENDSTER, AND HIS GIRLFRIEND'S.
I OUGHT TO SHOOT HER REALLY :[
hhahah, okay shut up yuanjun.
DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
FUCK YOU BITCH.
see lah, see her dumbfuckwinnie face i no mood to blog already.
okaybye.

:(

It's funny how lil things affect me so greatly.
How bout big things then?
Like how you stood me up.
Well, it's lil to you la right.
I don't deserve this.

ANNURSHAH MORGAN, this is totally random.
I just realised you're friends with pooh.
And I fucking am not over you and Farhanah peeping over my cubicle today.
Watch out I tell you.

Till then, I love you guys.

P.s. I told you that I wouldn't forgive you if you did that.

I was bad today D: (long post, i think)

2008-08-03T01:05:00.009+08:00

I shall start off with joke of the day, i think it's ~~fucking~~ funny okayy.
Brief deatils from what I remember :]

haikal : Okay ah i go smoke now.
me: Now? At say, 0030?
haikal : HAHA in my room la nb
me: Your parents won't smell it meh.
haikal: Haha, nope. Just tell them people burning stuff, hungry ghost.

HAHAHA FUNNY SHIT. He's hilarious.
P.s. Don't be over emo, or have too many mood swings. It only kils you bit by bit each time. I know.

Today, I was supposed to catch up my homework. Afterall, i was on mc almost the whole friggin week. I broke down on the phone with khai that night. Babe, thanks for being there.

Wells, now i feel guilty. Since i wasted the whole day (okay not really).
I watched all my cartoons in the morning D: Then I watched this old movie wich was kinda sad, called 'In America'. Then dinnertime, mummy and I went to city hall area for dinner. And so annoying can, the roads were all blocked up cos of NDP rehearsal.
Had to stop somewhere and walk freaking far to marina square.
But it was cool, I bought new school shoes :D Jealous much?

I wanted off-white actually D: [From ripcurl for 40 bucks, reasonable since the lee cooper ones were 50 bucks]

After everything we went starbucks for coffee, my brother joined us :]

He's a darling.

Today was a nice day, but I know I prioritized wrongly again. I'm sorry.

More photo uploads :]

During Chemistry :]

Love, you will pull through. I am here for you, we are all here fo you.
If you need help, you can turn cos we'll be standing right there.

CANDID;

Bryan & the kitty (he warned me not to use the other word.)
& I'm sorry girls, he's taken already. Aww. Now Bryan, don't get cocky cos I said that okayy. D: HOHO.

Yasmin & I-

9 years and counting, thanks hun.

Random messages;
Daniel : Eh I asked you a question seh.
Kiara : I feel like you make use of me.
Abdul : Hope it turns out good :]
Ethel : Thank you love, you the bomb :D
Farhanah : BE STRONG, LIKE YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN :]
4K : I miss you guys D:
Mummy : I'm sorry i said i hate you, you know i don't.
Bryan : PUSSY ;D
Haikal : Cheer up.
Me: I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.
08S34 : Dang, i havent done class post. Sooory.
Daddy : I hope the tears I cry can remind you that i love you.

Goodnight world.

Hell yeah she did;

The page ain't colourful enough.

2008-07-29T00:23:00.004+08:00

PFFT.
I'm tired, not to mention running a slight fever.
Wells, I realised that I need to put up more photos on my blog to brighten it up.
WITH MA FACE YO.
Nah-uh, any comments toward this are prohibited.
I'm really gonna upload my millions
and millions of photos soon.
Don't be sian stiff when you look through yup.
Hoho, I hope the time comes soon enough.

And I promise, I will do the class post on Friday :]
Didn't go to sch today, missed you guys like hell.

Met Kiara for a lil while at parkway
when i dropped my the polyclinic.
After which I decide I'd go to the polyclinic at Outram.
Just so I could take the train w Kiara and Nina.
Nina is different now,
her face is happier.
Somehow.
These are the two I'd give everything for :]
Lalala, meeting up soon that's for sureee.
:D

Run, baby, run
Don't ever look back.
They'll tear us apart
If you give them the chance.
Don't sell your heart.
Don't say we're not meant to be.
Run, baby, run.
Forever we'll be
You and me.

Won't let this boredom eat me up;

2008-07-27T14:20:00.006+08:00

You'll prolly kill me for putting this up,
I'M POSTING IT ANWS!

Well, I've been talking to you past few nights.
It's really strange,
how I feel that things are the same.
when i know they'll never be.

You told me bout you and nina going to k-box with her class.
How that song made you guys think of me.
It's nice to know,
it made me feel like you guys are still here.

I saw jaron at parkway last night,
he gave me a fairly weak smile.
It's okay,
I'll take just that.
As long as you're happy.

& You should know,
that I'll always be here.
No matter what.

Take care of yourself best friend/
okay KIARA LIM MIN?

:]

why so serious?

2008-07-27T12:46:00.002+08:00

I WATCHED THE DARK KNIGHT!
:D

but nah, i won't put any spoilers here.
SO, go watch it.
only one word to describe it - AMAZING.
Pity though, I really liked harvey,
he was disappointing.
:(

I've been playing the pokemon blue that bryan sent me.
& it sucks.
I can't save my game D:
I fell asleep playing last night
and my phone died. pfft.

I'm like freaking bored,
shall go and finish up my EOM.
Then, got stupid gp assignment and lit too.
THEN, I WANNA DO MY CLASS POST.
shall get ara to do it too,
it'll be fun.

:D

tata.

All i could ever ask for;

2008-07-24T23:58:00.002+08:00

I've been happy, like really happy.
And it's of course because of you guys.

except for matthew lim who called mummy just now and made me upset for one hour,
i'm fine.

i love you guys,
i'm gonna do a full class post soon.

:D

Things are sweet,
and I wish this candy will never melt.

<3

In alphabetical order, the class rockers;
Abdul, Annurshah, Bryan, Daniel, Ee Hong, Farnie.
I'll miss you guys so badddd.

Nighty nights,
gonna watch the dark knight tmr hopefully :]

A Walk To Remember

2008-07-22T00:53:00.000+08:00

Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim my temptation to live for you
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears
'cause it's all about love and I know better
How life is a waving feather

So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon

My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

I'm dancing in the room as if I was in the woods with you
No need for anything but music
Music's the reason why I know time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists
Time still exists

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong
My eyes are on you they're on you
And I hope that you won't hurt me

this is pretty much AMAZING; asheem showed it to me.

Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks;

2008-07-21T23:14:00.001+08:00

Today was a really bad day,
but there's no one else to blame but me.

Mr Lim screwed me up bad this morning,
but I yet I could not say much.
I bascially just gave him a bewildered look,
from the beginning to the end.
He asked me if my mum knew bout the PTM,
and I said yup.
He asked if she would come and see him,
and I said no.
I mean, was i supposed to lie?
My mum doesn't want to come,
it's not my fault.
So he started rattling on bout how the sch wants to kick me out.
Come on, I know my results are shit bad.
And I know if I continue with such results,
I can't even meet the retainment criteria.
Pathetic, yes.
Well, then I cotinued giving him that look.
So he said,
"I'm not threatening you, just telling you the facts of life."
How much I wanted to grab a frying pan & whack him?
You'll never know.
But I just kept quiet.
UNTIL,

He said,
"Plus, you've been skipping most of your remedials."
And that was when I was like, "whaaaaat?"
"OH PLEASE."
Okay, my reaction wasn't the most polite.
And then he pointed at me and said,
"Say that again and I'll send you to the office."
Eh, really eh. You think what,
this ain't primary school yo.
And he continued,
"I've never seen a student as rude as you."
OUCH, EH I ONLY SAID OH PLEASE.
(well, I did ask him once why his hair was so spiky.)
He can't take jokes obviously.
Okay, that time for temperature taking he was absent.
So when he came back I asked,
"Cher, did you take your temperature yesterday?"
He said,
"Yes, I took at home."
I said, "Oh?"
And he goes,
"Ya, you wanna see my temperature."
"ermmm, ouuuhhhkay."
And I walked away, such a weirdo luh.

The problem here is,
I haven't been skipping remedials like he says I have.
I only didn't attend Friday's lit lesson,
I have a freaking mc okay.
& I missed econs lecture that time,
cos I wasn't feeling well okayyy.
Don't come and accuse me w/o evidence.

Well, I'm gonna apologise tomorrow.
That's what I decided on.
Even if it wasn't all my fault,
I'll do it.
Because I was rude,
I have my part to play.
Only then, I'll clarify his misconceptions.
I think it's the right thing to do,
is it?

-Bryan asked me to buck up today.
I know I have to.
You asked me once, when I was feeling like shit,
"So you're going to prove them right?"
It hit me, it really did.
No, I'm not. I won't.
It's not gonna affect them when I fail in everything,
I'll just ruin myself.
You know,
I always trust you for the right opinion.
I know you'll give me the unbiased opinion,
and it helps, really.
I'm glad I have a friend like you.
Because I need these little reminders once in awhile.

Thanks Bryan, really.

Goodnight world.
(Oh wait watch the video in the next post)

I read this on my sister's blog.

2008-07-21T05:16:00.001+08:00

I will always love you

Daddy, you have been in heaven for one year. I hope you are happy there. And I hope you will look down on us sometimes. And please don't forget us. I won't ever forget you. You are the best daddy I have ever had and will always have. I love you and I miss you all the time. I MISS YOU EVERYDAY.

-now i feel like a loser. i miss you too, beyond the epitome of anything. I still remember the first dream.

pointless, ain't it?

2008-07-21T02:58:00.000+08:00

Omg, there's so to say i don't know how long this post may be.
Well, i won't say it all here then. Roar.

Anws, Dancefest was not as bad as i thought it would be.
It was definitely better than Songfest, haha.
I watched Annurshah for Indian dance,
Kimmy & the others for the band performance, (good job kimmy)
Kai Lin for Modern dance performances,
Lynette & Jennifer for the MJC dances, (they were really good)
and the finalists.
Mai & Nafisah's group won. (I can't exactly rmb what they're called)

The hot stuff for that night was not the event itself.
I found out some stuff bout eye candy A which removes him from my list forever.
Well, I thought he was some really nice guy. (I won't deny he's actually kinda nice)
Buuuutttt, now I just think he's a freakin loser.
Reason 1) He has a girlfriend who's in the dark bout all his dirt.
Reason 2) He crazy-flirted with my friend, and when i say crazy i mean crazy.
Reason 3) They say he has likes another girl too, what a loser right.

YOU ARE SUCH A LOSER.

I really want to continue insulting him but it's almost four in the morning.
A friend is playing me a song on his guitar via msn cos i said i'm bored,
how sweet is that.
& i'm playing a lame game on facebook.

Right, so i'll bitch bout him another time :]

And to SOMEONE :
I'm here to listen when you wanna say,
please practise what you preach alright.
If you don't wanna, i'm fine with it.
I'm not wasting my time over these pointless issues anymore.
Life's happening while you're finding your excuses.
Lame ones like not being able to say certain things,
cos these things could only be something bout me.
I'm taking one step back,
and i hope things will work out fine.

Bye, goodnight world.

take a sad song, and make it better.

2008-07-20T18:42:00.000+08:00

Saw you walk in to the room,
Thought I'd try to talk to you
Babe, am I ever glad you wanted me to
It's been two years to the day
half the time I've been away
I know I'm not there enough,
but that's gonna change
'cause I'm coming back to show you
that I'm keeping the promise i made

When I'm with you
I'll make every second count
'cause I miss you
whenever you're not around
when I kiss you
I still get butterflies
years from now,
I'll make every second count
when I'm with you

Yeah, we've had our ups and downs,
but we've always worked 'em out
Babe, am I ever glad we got this far now
Still I'm lying here tonight
wishing I was by your side
'cause when I'm not there enough,
nothing feels right
so I'm coming back to show you
that I'll love you the rest of my life

When I'm with you,
I'll make every second count
'cause I miss you,
whenever your not around
When I kiss you,
I still get butterflies
years from now
I'll make every second count
when I'm with you.

Whatever it takes I'm not gonna break the promise I made.

When Im With You - Faber Drive

This little light of mine;

2008-07-15T00:56:00.000+08:00

There's something on my mind,
but i'm not ready to say it yet.

I'm afraid to face it, tell me what to do please.
If there's one thing,
I'll know that none of my efforts have gone to waste,
it'd have been for myself.
But no, I just don't want history to repeat itself.
Trust me, I'm scared.

She (an awesome one) said, "You cry so much, sometimes I feel so sad for you."
Don't worry, I'll be fine.
I just need time, to reconsider.
That all I have thought to be so wonderful isn't but a falsifying dream.
That you & you are as good as I wanted you to be.
This only makes sense to me, right?
It's like a joke.

Don't disappoint me, not now.
I've barely gotten back onto my feet.

Goodnight.

the first chapter is for you, best.

2008-07-13T14:13:00.000+08:00

I never wanted a blog, but times are getting so hard.
There's so much I want to say, & this, is for you.

I feel like I've drafted this blog post forever, but yet,
when I'm typing it out now, I can't recall all those snippets.

Kiara , imy.

I realy miss all those times.

I've lost all the luck, at the traffic lights.

I haven't eaten the cup noodle since the last time we did.

I haven't gone crazy the way I do only in front of you & nina in the longest time.

I can't read your messages cos it just makes me feel worse.

I haven't had a proper convo with you in ages.

I haven't heard you say something & meant it for some time now.

I haven't seen you w/o liner & with your specs for months.

I can't look at your friendster anymore cos it just hurts.

I can't run around in parkway w you anymore.

I can't believe what you're saying anymore.

I need to know you're still there, but this wish seems so hopeless.

There's no one left , did you know?

No one I can fully trust at the moment, cos people hide stuff.

I thought I could count on you, as cliched as best friends forever sounded.

I'm holding on to nothing now.

I'm the strongest in front of you, maybe you don't know.

Have I cried alot in front of you?

Not until recently, you see it and you don't know what to do.

I've tried my very best.

But when I'm at my weakest point, you're not there.

You're out, having fun.

I'm at home, crying.

No more, love.

There's no more friendship, is there?

You make it sound like you really care,

& that you'll never leave.

But now you're gone, you're gone.

& I don't know what to do about it.

Should I move on w/o you, or stand behind to catch you if you fall.

"Bestie, I am thinking so much. It's been long since we shared."

I held faith in you for so long the way you want me to-

"Look up at the stars and you'll know I'm still there."

I wish I could, but the stars are all gone now.

I'll keep every single promise, every single one.

I have.

Have you?

<3

p.s. Read the letter I wrote to you on your birthday last year.